Sometimes I just need to scream.
This restlessness is killing me.
For once, I'd like to do something for me and not feel guilty.
How can I please everyone while finding my own happiness?
It's proving an impossibility.
How selfish am I? And is it even wrong to feel this way?
My insides are in so many knots I don't know if I could ever untwist them.
Sometimes I just need to scream.
Restlessness. It's killing me.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
And so this is Christmas
Okay, so it's technically not Christmas anymore. But this is my Christmas post.
This year was great in ways I didn't expect. I allowed myself to get into the Christmas spirit more than I have in a while. Yes, I know Jesus is the reason for the season. Spare me. There is still something to be said for the romance of Christmas, and I felt it this time around. I enjoyed shopping (which I generally do), but I could not wait for people to open my gifts. I had so much fun decorating the house (or telling Christopher how to decorate, anyway). I baked and wrapped and cooked my way into a sparkling, jingling Christmassy mood.
I got so many great gifts, really couldn't have asked for anything else. It was Gavin's first Christmas and I think that was the best part. Maybe that's why it was so excellent. I'm not sure. I have a little family, and that makes the season brighter.
But of course, I rarely blog because my world is sitting in perfection. No, I blog when something is on my mind. I was scrolling through a million pages of statuses on Facebook and stumbled across pictures from my different families. After being on a yuletide high the last two days I suddenly lost my helium. My heart aches in longing for the other people I used to share my life with. I miss the people I grew up with around this time more than any other. Sometimes it hits me that they are having the time of their lives without a second thought toward my absence. As much as they might deny it, I know it's true. Anyway, its the one dark spot during this festive time of year. I miss. It hurts. It's the Tatros, the Lavertues, the Snyders, and all my friends. I can't help but be sad and feel like something is missing.
Maybe we can all move to a middle-ground. Virginia maybe.
This year was great in ways I didn't expect. I allowed myself to get into the Christmas spirit more than I have in a while. Yes, I know Jesus is the reason for the season. Spare me. There is still something to be said for the romance of Christmas, and I felt it this time around. I enjoyed shopping (which I generally do), but I could not wait for people to open my gifts. I had so much fun decorating the house (or telling Christopher how to decorate, anyway). I baked and wrapped and cooked my way into a sparkling, jingling Christmassy mood.
I got so many great gifts, really couldn't have asked for anything else. It was Gavin's first Christmas and I think that was the best part. Maybe that's why it was so excellent. I'm not sure. I have a little family, and that makes the season brighter.
But of course, I rarely blog because my world is sitting in perfection. No, I blog when something is on my mind. I was scrolling through a million pages of statuses on Facebook and stumbled across pictures from my different families. After being on a yuletide high the last two days I suddenly lost my helium. My heart aches in longing for the other people I used to share my life with. I miss the people I grew up with around this time more than any other. Sometimes it hits me that they are having the time of their lives without a second thought toward my absence. As much as they might deny it, I know it's true. Anyway, its the one dark spot during this festive time of year. I miss. It hurts. It's the Tatros, the Lavertues, the Snyders, and all my friends. I can't help but be sad and feel like something is missing.
Maybe we can all move to a middle-ground. Virginia maybe.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Schoooool's out for... winter...
I successfully completed a semester of college! That may not sound very exciting, or like a huge accomplishment, but I am still proud. Especially considering I have been in college a totally of 2 years and have only just now finished my 2nd semester. On top of that, my lowest grade was a 96. Yes, I am awesome. Go on, you can say so.
Next semester will definitely be a challenge. I have 5 classes, 3 of which are accelerated. I know I can do it though. If I can get through finals week with a crazy baby I can get through a regular week.
Christmas is approaching, and I must say I have done an excellent job with my shopping. I am just about done. I have like two or three people left, including Christopher. I already know what I am getting everyone though. Despite my usual blue hue around the holidays, I am getting into the spirit a little more than usual. I even discovered a homemade gift I plan to give everyone.
It's called snowman soup. Feel free to steal this idea! Just give me the credit for the poem.
Just take a little plastic baggie and fill with either one packet of hot cocoa mix or enough scoops from a big container to make one cup. Add mini marshmallows or 3 big ones, a few chocolate chips, and bits of candycane or just a peppermint stick poking out of the top of the bag. Then twist tie and decorate with ribbons. Attach the poem with the ribbon and viola! Instant gift. I'm also tying chocolate dipped spoons to mine. Here is the poem. I made it red and green and picked a cute font.
Here’s a little secret, the North Pole inside scoop:
When snowmen become naughty they make them into soup.
Now, don’t feel sad and don’t you pout. These snowmen were quite scummy.
So just enjoy this holiday treat. It’s sure to warm the tummy.
Just boil some water (8-10 oz), mix in their parts, along with the chocolate broth.
Then stir it all up, drink it right down, and enjoy the marshmallow froth.
But remember, the next time you start misbehaving, this tasty snowman stew…
‘Cause Santa is watching your every move, and next year the soup could be you!
Next semester will definitely be a challenge. I have 5 classes, 3 of which are accelerated. I know I can do it though. If I can get through finals week with a crazy baby I can get through a regular week.
Christmas is approaching, and I must say I have done an excellent job with my shopping. I am just about done. I have like two or three people left, including Christopher. I already know what I am getting everyone though. Despite my usual blue hue around the holidays, I am getting into the spirit a little more than usual. I even discovered a homemade gift I plan to give everyone.
It's called snowman soup. Feel free to steal this idea! Just give me the credit for the poem.
Just take a little plastic baggie and fill with either one packet of hot cocoa mix or enough scoops from a big container to make one cup. Add mini marshmallows or 3 big ones, a few chocolate chips, and bits of candycane or just a peppermint stick poking out of the top of the bag. Then twist tie and decorate with ribbons. Attach the poem with the ribbon and viola! Instant gift. I'm also tying chocolate dipped spoons to mine. Here is the poem. I made it red and green and picked a cute font.
Here’s a little secret, the North Pole inside scoop:
When snowmen become naughty they make them into soup.
Now, don’t feel sad and don’t you pout. These snowmen were quite scummy.
So just enjoy this holiday treat. It’s sure to warm the tummy.
Just boil some water (8-10 oz), mix in their parts, along with the chocolate broth.
Then stir it all up, drink it right down, and enjoy the marshmallow froth.
But remember, the next time you start misbehaving, this tasty snowman stew…
‘Cause Santa is watching your every move, and next year the soup could be you!
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